Ok. Love this song.

Prescribed Burns

Drove by a sign today.

It read prescribed burn ahead.

I think this sign has been specifically stationed for the benefit of those driving by, to bring us reassurance and some level of comfort. This fire is by design. It is not an accident, no need to panic. The sign is meant to call attention to the fact that it is a pre-planned event. One in which there is a defined purpose and a scheduled time. Precautions have been taken and firefighters have been assigned to monitor and watch over the burning process, to ensure the burn remains in the designated area and stays under control.

As we drove by, the words lingered in my head. I looked down and realized... I am on fire. Only there was no sign placed in my life to warn me of the upcoming burn. Suddenly though, there were indeed flames and I could feel the suffocating heat and the pain. We have all been there as we encounter a sudden tragedy or are just worn down trying to survive a season in the desert. These fires are unavoidable in life and at some point we find ourselves asking why. As the pain and fatigue increase, I have noticed the increased assault of doubt on my faith. How could this be happening? Where is God? In the midst of my own darkness I have found comfort in reading the stories of those that have gone before me. I am not alone in my questions and confusion...the Bible is filled with people like you and me who cried out to God in the midst of their own burn.

"Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?"

"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"

"What strength do I have, that I should still hope?"

I believe the words of the sign I read today were a gift and they apply to my journey of faith. My God is in control, He is with me. He is watching over this fiery trial and He will use it to deepen and refine my faith. He sees the flames and where they are burning. Though there were not signs posted to warn me of the upcoming trial, God knew and He has given me signs in the Bible to sustain me. He has given me promises of specific truth to comfort me and remind me of His presence in the burn...but I have to look for them and remind myself of them. Sometimes, though, I am too weak to search for them. Thankfully I have several friends who help remind me of the signs Jesus has posted for me, encouraging me with truth for my journey. I am confident that He is using these fires to burn off that which is of no use to me or my faith. He longs to take me to a more intimate, deep place of faith. I cannot see Him or understand all of the reasons why, but I trust His goodness and His love. He used this sign today to remind me of truth, and for that I am grateful.

"Though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls" IPeter 1:6-9

Anyone else on fire?? Praying for you, my friends. Praying your eyes will be opened to see the signs posted for the benefit of your beautiful, precious faith...

Coming Up for Air

Today the gray skies turned blue, the air was crisp with the feeling of Fall and the leaves are beginning their annual transformation to gold. The day beckoned us to come join in and our beloved lab, River, demanded it! This is the time of year that speaks deep into my soul and right now, to be honest, I could really use a fresh wind.

It is a strange thing to begin writing a blog. I have decided to write because it helps me think and process what is going on in my heart and also because I love to share life with my friends and family. I desire to be connected, but I so often fall short. Moments turn into days and days to weeks before I realize how out of touch I am with myself or my friends or my journey with God. This blog is my attempt to pay more attention to the moments in my days, to the things I believe Jesus is showing and teaching me, and to be more intentional about sharing this journey of life with you.

Hiking through aspen groves we drank in the beauty and breathed in Fall and I realized I was coming up for air. The past year and a half as we have walked through a deep season of grief and loss I have been suffocated by the weight of it all. There have been many days where I thought I would drown in despair, some where I did not even have a voice to cry out for help. Days when I felt forgotten by God and days when I gave up hope. I used to think these emotions were avoidable, that if I just focused hard enough and did the work, I could keep myself afloat. Reality is, this life is filled with both sunshine and rain. Sometimes it rains so hard, you lose your ability to see and hear what is true. And that is ok.
It is ok because there is a God who holds us in the palm of His hand. He never grows tired or weary and He promises never to leave us or forsake us. He holds us through our fights and our fears, not because we deserve it or do what is right, but because He is the Faithful One who loves His children and longs for us to know Him deeply, intimately. This is not a performance, this is a relationship. He will use both the sunshine and the rain in our lives to reveal His heart. I want to learn to embrace both and rest, even in the rain.

As I have come up for air today, I realize I have not done much of anything during this season.
I have been carried.
I have been carried by the love and care of my friends and family, but most of all by my Savior, Jesus Christ. Even when I was believing lies, confused and hopeless, His arms carried me. Looking back I see now, that He wanted me to rely on Him, not on myself. To rely on my Savior.

"We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us..." 2Cor. 1:8b-10

So my friends, rest in the freedom.
The freedom to be weak and frail and afraid.
The freedom to faint into the loving arms of Jesus,
to feel His strength and know His deliverance.

"and underneath are the everlasting arms."
Deut. 33:27

Always.